


P.S. I Still Love You

by jera31maya



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:01:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24137032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jera31maya/pseuds/jera31maya
Summary: After each crush or heartbreak, Bellamy Blake wrote a letter, expressing his heartfelt feelings. One day, these letters get released, causing his life to turn upside-down in the most unbelievable way. Inspired by the To All The Boys books/movies series.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've recently rewatched and read To All the Boys and got inspired! I hope you like it!

Bellamy Blake threw down his pen in frustration and pushed his papers away from him. He was working on his one of the most important research papers of his entire undergrad career and could not seem to get the words out. Which is ironic because he’s usually good with the written word. 

He shook his head and stretched his arms high, turning towards the door of his apartment, as he heard the key turn in the lock.

“Hey Bell! You wanna help with some of these groceries?” his sister called out.

Bellamy stood from his seat, sighing loudly. “Sure, O.”

Bellamy and his younger sister, Octavia, shared an off-campus apartment in Polis, both attending the nearby Arkadia University. He was a senior, looking forward to graduation and an education major, with a focus in language arts and history, and Octavia was a sophomore, studying exercise science. They grew up in the nearby Shallow Valley, just a couple hours from Polis and Bellamy has always been overprotective of his sister. 

“Thanks for grocery shopping, O,” he said, grabbing the bags from her hands.

“No problem! Besides, it’s your turn next week,” she laughs. “Clarke’s coming over tonight. We have a biology test tomorrow.”

“I’ll steer clear.”

“Oh, come on,” Octavia laughs again. “You guys are friends now. Or acquaintances.”

“Yeah, but I just have to work on my paper. I’ll probably head out to the library to finish.” Bellamy gathers his notebooks, papers, and pens and throws it in his bag. “I’ll head out there now, actually. Save me some spaghetti.” 

Octavia nods in response as Bellamy heads out, thinking to himself. 

Clarke Griffin.

When he was in eighth grade, he had his first kiss with Clarke Griffin. They were playing Spin the Bottle at his friend, Nate Miller’s house, and Clarke had been invited because she was the new girl, having just moved to town. Octavia was there too, but Bellamy didn’t let her play. Her spin landed on him and after she kissed him, he had the biggest crush on her. But then Clarke and Octavia became best friends, and she was always around. She constantly hung out at their house, eating their food, watching their TV. It was almost like she didn’t have her own home to go. 

But she did.

Bellamy knew that Clarke’s parents weren’t exactly absent parents, but they both had high-profile jobs that kept them extremely busy. Her mother opened up a medical practice and her father had been transferred to one of the electrical companies in the small town. 

So Clarke hung around the Blake’s house as much as she could, instead of going home to an empty house. 

It didn’t help the crush he had on her. 

He didn’t want to have a crush on his little sister’s best friend. It was weird. 

But whenever she came over, they ended up talking to each other, doing homework together. They ate together, watched TV together. Always argued. Octavia was there too, but she was involved in a bunch of extracurricular activities at school, and Clarke hung around, even when Octavia wasn’t there. And when Clarke was there, he liked the way she challenged him. 

As he finished the eighth grade, he was on his way to high school. And he definitely did not want to have a crush on a middle schooler while he was in high school.

So he wrote her a letter. 

He never sent it. To this day, he still has it in his closet, kept away in a gifted hollow book of “The Iliad." 

But he wrote it. As a way for him to get all of his feelings out and to start fresh in high school. A way for him to say everything that he wanted to say to Clarke, then forget about her forever. Or as long as forever could get him.

And once he wrote this letter, he closed the book on Clarke Griffin. Looking back, he knew it was wrong, but at the time, he couldn’t help but just be flat out mean and rude to her. It was his way of shutting down his feelings for her and moving on. 

Clarke didn’t hang around much after that. Or maybe she did. Throughout high school, Bellamy always made it a point to be out of the house, in case Clarke was there. 

And then, she went to the same college as him. Dormed with Octavia until Bellamy insisted on Octavia moving in with him. And after Octavia moved in, Clarke was around again, and while his feelings for her were long gone, dead and buried, the two of them were still hostile to one another, after how Bellamy treated her during high school. Octavia forced them to come to a truce, for her sake, knowing that she would go insane if the two of them were constantly fighting. And now, they were sort of friends? Acquaintances, more like it. On decent terms, at the very least.

The letter that he wrote to Clarke was just the first. He wrote four others, to help him get over the heartache of an unrequited crush or of a broken heart, and even to get over a one night stand. Once in awhile, he’d pull them out and reread them, but for the most part, they were all stuck in his hollow book, never to see the light of day. 

* * *

“What’s this?” Clarke asked Octavia, picking up a paper on the kitchen table. “The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire?”

“That’s Bellamy’s,” answered Octavia, setting down plates for her and Clarke. “He was working on it when I got home today, but left to go finish it at the library.”

“Cuz he heard I was coming over?” Clarke asked wryly.

Octavia laughed and shook her head. “No, I think he really needed to focus on it. Besides, you guys are friends now, right?” she said, parroting her words from earlier.

Clarke shrugged. “I mean, we don’t yell at each other whenever we see each other now, so that’s progress.”

“And you guys can actually carry on conversations again.”

“Yeah.” Clarke looks down at the spaghetti that Octavia placed in front her. “Thanks for dinner, O.” 

A couple hours later, Octavia and Clarke settled in the living room, with books strewn in front of them, and different colored notes all around them. Clarke’s laptop was open and she clicked through the old presentations, quizzing Octavia on what they’ve learned.

Bellamy walked in and nodded towards Octavia and Clarke, as he went straight for the kitchen. 

“Yours is in the fridge, Bell!” 

“Thanks, O.”

He took his spaghetti from the refrigerator and warmed it up in the microwave. Once it beeped to finish, he took out a fork and sat down in the living room, next to Clarke. 

She threw him an annoyed look.

“What, Princess?” 

Clarke groaned at the nickname she had long hated, that Bellamy gave to her when he was in high school. “Don’t splash your sauce all over my notes.”

Bellamy slurped the noodles and the red sauce splashed a bit. He loved annoying her and seeing the look on her face whenever he called her, ‘Princess.'

“Or over my laptop.”

He made a face at her.

“And get a napkin, you’re disgusting.” 

“If you have a problem with the sauce, then you get a napkin.”

Clarke narrowed her eyes at him, weighing the options of getting him a napkin and not. She ended up getting up, stalking over to the kitchen and grabbed a handful of napkins.

“While you’re up, Princess, can you grab a Coke?”

Clarke groaned and grabbed a can from the refrigerator.

“I don’t know why I did this, but here.” She shoved the Coke and napkin at Bellamy and resumed her seat. 

Octavia smirked and went back to reading. “Well, since you’re here Bellamy, why don’t you quiz me and Clarke?”

“Yeah,” Clarke added. “Make yourself useful.” She pushed her laptop toward him and moved closer to Octavia. “But don’t get any sauce on my laptop!” Bellamy rolled his eyes, and went through their notes, quizzing them. 

Before long, Clarke stood up and stretched, yawning widely. “I better head out.” She shut her laptop and gathered her notes, throwing them into her bag. “We’re still on for breakfast tomorrow with Finn and Lincoln, right?”

“Yup! We’ll see you at Mount Weather,” Octavia answered, referring to the local diner. She handed Clarke’s jacket over to her and hugged her. “See you tomorrow! I can’t wait to finally meet Finn!”

“Who’s Finn?” Bellamy asked, standing to open the door for Clarke. 

“Her new boyfriend,” answered Octavia. “Of what, ten days? He goes to Tondc,” she said to Bellamy, referring to the nearby university a few hours away from them. 

Clarke nodded. “Still new.” She glanced over at Bellamy. “Wow, a Lincoln mention, and no bulging vein in your head!” 

“Shut up, Princess. I’m being more….open to Lincoln…” he answered. “Good night.”

“Bye Clarke!” called Octavia. 

“See you guys!” Clarke said, laughing her way out the door.

Octavia stood in front of Bellamy, arms crossed, a smirk on her face. “Being more open to Lincoln or distracted by the mention of Clarke’s new boyfriend?”

“Whatever, O.”

“Don’t think I didn’t know about you and your little crush on Clarke before.”

“That was during middle school. It was a long time ago.”

Octavia raised her eyebrows. “Whatever you say, big brother.” She moved to gather her things and tidy up the living room. “Do you want to come with us tomorrow morning? I know how much you love Mount Weather’s chocolate cake.”

“Okay, number one: you can’t have chocolate cake for breakfast. And number two: that’s your friend, Jasper, who loves Mount Weather’s chocolate cake.”

Octavia shrugged. “So is that a yes or a no? You’re welcome to come, you know.”

“And what, fifth-wheel you guys?”

“You could bring someone, if you want.”

Bellamy shrugged. “No one to bring, O."

Octavia hugged Bellamy tightly. “Good night. The offer’s still there, if you want it.”

“Night, O.”

* * *

The next morning, Bellamy woke to the smell of bacon in the kitchen.

“What the hell?”

Bellamy blinked the sleep away from his eyes and pulled on a shirt. He walked out of his room and saw his sister in the kitchen, standing over the stove. 

“O? I thought you were meeting Clarke and her new boyfriend for breakfast.” 

Octavia wiped her hands and shook her head. “I sent Lincoln in my place. Let him scope out the new guy and report back to me before the official best friend meeting.” She made a plate of eggs, bacon, and toast for Bellamy and put it on the table. “Besides, I woke up too late. All that late-night studying, I guess.”

“Oh, well, thanks O.” Bellamy sat down.

“You know, you don’t have to feel like the fifth wheel or even the third wheel, whenever you’re with me and Lincoln,” Octavia said sincerely. “You’re always welcome to come with us. Or to bring someone. Not even a romantic someone. You could bring Miller or--”

Bellamy shook his head. “I don’t feel like the third wheel with you and Lincoln. And besides, I don’t want to bring anyone. And if Miller comes, he’ll bring his boyfriend. I just want to make sure I finish off senior year with my degree before deciding what I want to do with the rest of my life."

Octavia shrugged her shoulders. “Don’t you find it kinda depressing that you only hang out with your little sister and her best friend? And their significant others?” 

“Well, I’ve never met nor hung out with Clarke’s new boyfriend."

“You know what I mean, Bellamy. You can at least hang out with Miller sometime. Or Monty and Jasper. You don’t always have to be with me, watching Harry Potter for the millionth time.”

He shrugged. “I love you and I love Harry Potter.” 

“Well, I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad, but…I’m your little sister and I cancelled plans this morning to hang out with you. And…this isn’t the first time that it’s happened. I go out with my boyfriend when you have night classes, so we can spend Friday and Saturday nights with you. I make my best friend, who you don’t even get along with half the time, come over, so I can spend time with her. And so you’re not all by yourself in this apartment because you don’t have anything going on.”

Bellamy made a face. “That is way harsh, Octavia.”

Octavia shrugged her shoulders. “The truth hurts, Bellamy.” She took a sip of her coffee before speaking again. "I love you, big brother, and I know you’re focused on finishing school, but college isn’t just about getting your degree. It’s also about the experiences you have, the relationships you build…the memories that you make. You haven’t been with anybody since…well, since Echo, and I just want to make sure that you’re okay. She broke your heart, and—“

“I am way over Echo now.”

“I know, Bellamy, but—“

“I saw her around campus with her boyfriend.”

“Stop interrupting me!”

Bellamy gestured for her to keep talking. 

“Finally. Like I was saying, she broke your heart, and it seems like you got over it quickly. Like one day, you were still hurting over her and the next day, you were done.”

“Sometimes, you just realize that you can’t sit around and wait forever.”

Octavia’s face scrunched at his words. “I hope you remember your words, big brother. Because that’s exactly what you’re doing. Sitting around, and waiting. And for what?”

“I’m not, Octavia. I’m working toward my degree.” Bellamy stood up and cleared the dirty dishes. “And shouldn’t you, too? Don’t you have a test today?” 

Octavia nodded. “Not till later, though. My class is at 1:30.”

“I have one at 10. I’ll go take a shower, and you need to keep studying."


	2. Chapter 2

Bellamy and Nate headed out of their afternoon class, a few days after Bellamy had his breakfast with Octavia. They stopped in the courtyard, sitting next to the fountain. 

“Octavia seems to think I need a life.”

Nate laughed. “You kind of do.”

“I’m just trying to finish—“

“I know, I know! But I mean, you want to go bowling with me and Eric, sometime?”

“Why does everyone think I need a life? I have one.”

Nate laughed. “You know what? Eric doesn’t even have to come. We can just go bowling or something else.”

“Did Octavia put you up to this?” Bellamy asked, annoyed.

Nate laughed again. “No, she didn’t put me up to anything.”

“Bellamy! Hey, Bellamy, wait up!” 

Bellamy and Nate turned around and saw Clarke running towards them. 

“Hi Miller! Nice to see you!” Clarke gave him a hug.

“Likewise, Clarke.”

She grinned at him and turned to Bellamy. “Can I talk to you?”

“Sure, what’s up?” he asked.

“Um, in private?” She glanced apologetically at Nate. “Sorry, Miller.”

“No problem,” he replied. “Bellamy, think about what I said. And Clarke, let’s catch up sometime. It’s nice to see you.”

“Yeah, definitely!” she replied.

“We can go bowling,” he said, walking away. He grinned and winked at Bellamy before turning away from them.

“Sounds fun,” Clarke called after him.

“So, what’s up, Princess?”

“I just wanted to tell you, that…um…well, I’m sorry, but Octavia’s my best friend…and that kiss was a long time ago…and I’m with Finn and it’s new and—“

“Wait, what are you talking about, Clarke?”

Her eyes widened at the use of her name. “Um, well…” She held up an envelope in her hand. “I mean, I appreciate it, but it’s never going to happen. And from what I remember of that kiss back in sixth grade..it was nice and all. It was my first kiss and there’s something cool about having your first kiss be with someone older than you and…I’m really flattered that you think my eyes are as deep as the ocean…I’ve never actually heard anyone say that to me before.”

Bellamy recognized the envelope and his heart sank. 

"This is not happening right now,” he thought. "This isn’t reality. This is a dream. No, it’s not. It’s a nightmare!”

“Where did you get that?” he asked, gruffly, reaching for the envelope.

Clarke held it out of his grasp. “It came in the mail today. I saw it before class and wanted to catch up with you after. Look, it’s no big deal, and I won’t tell Octavia, if you don’t want me to, but—“

“That came in the mail? To your house?”

“Well, to my apartment, but yes, I got it in my mailbox.”

“Then you should know that I wrote that letter a really long time ago. Like years and years ago. I haven’t even looked at that letter or thought about it or anything. Quite frankly, I forgot that it even existed. Because it doesn’t mean anything.”

Clarke looked amused and confused. “Okay. Whatever this doesn’t mean is fine and all.”

“I mean, it was like, practice, you know.”

“Practice for what?” she asked, still amused.

“Um…” Bellamy couldn’t think of what else to say. He should’ve lied about it from the beginning and said he doesn’t know where it came from. “Well, can I have it back? I don’t remember what was said in it. Since it’s been so long since I even thought about it. And since I forgot that it existed.”

Clarke was grinning. He didn’t like it.

“I don’t think so.” She opened her bag and carefully placed the envelope, which no doubt held the letter, into one of her books. “I want to keep it. I’ve never gotten anything like that from someone before."

His eyes widened. “Listen, Clarke, um, please —“

“I won’t tell Octavia,” she said, kindly.

“Um, okay, thank you.” Bellamy’s eyes narrowed at her. “Why are you being nice to me?”

She smiled and patted her bag. “The letter reminded me of when we were friends. Like real friends and it reminded me of middle school and back when life was just right, you know? You mentioned my dad in it, too, and I still miss him.” She smiled, then laughed out loud. “Besides, it’s kind of embarrassing for you and I’m feeling that secondhand embarrassment, but I’m not embarrassed. I’m just embarrassed for you.”

“Thank you?”

“And…if you piss me off in the worse way, I’m showing it to Octavia.”

“And there it is. You just wanted to have something to blackmail me with.”

Clarke crossed her arms. “So what if I did?”

“Can I have it back?”

“No, like I said, I’m keeping it. But just so you know, it’s still pretty new with Finn and it’s never going to happen between us.”

“Okay, got it. But just so you know, I do not have any type of feelings for you. In fact, I’m pretty indifferent to you. You’re just my little sister’s friend.”

“Best friend.”

“Fine, best friend. You’re just Octavia’s annoying—“ 

Over Clarke’s shoulder, he saw Echo heading for him, holding something. He looked closely at what she was holding in her hand and for the second time, his heart sank and he felt a pit in the deepest part of his stomach. 

He immediately grabbed Clarke and kissed her. In the middle of courtyard, right next to the fountain. 

When he finished, she stared at him with wide eyes.

“Um,” she started.

“Sorry, Princess, I’ve gotta go.” 

He quickly made his way past Echo, who tried to stop him. 

“Gotta get to class!” he called out behind him, running away.

He ran all the way to the parking lot, opened his car and jumped in. 

“This cannot be happening, this cannot be happening.”

He started breathing heavily and tried to get it under control before he started hyperventilating. He jumped when he heard a loud knock on his window.

Raven Reyes.

She stuck a familiar envelope between the car and the window.

The recipient of another one of his letters. 

“NOOOOO!!!” he yells.

“Bellamy?” she asks. “You okay?”

Raven Reyes was his one night stand and somehow her letter had gotten out, too.

He met Raven Reyes at a party in his sophomore year. She was a freshman, and actually met and befriended Nate first. They met at the shooting range near their school. Nate had mentioned that Raven and her longtime boyfriend broke up and when Bellamy met her at the party, she was a mess. Definitely not someone who Bellamy thought he’d ever sleep with.

But she came to him and they slept together. He knew she was only doing it to get over her boyfriend, but when he asked if she felt better afterwards, she didn’t. They hadn’t talked since then, other than a few hello’s here and there on campus. It wasn’t weird between them, but they weren’t really friends to begin with. If anything, the whole thing taught him that he’s not a one night stand kind of guy.

And he remembered the letter he wrote. 

Mainly, it contained reasons why their one night stand was a mistake. 

Bellamy sighed and rolled down his window.

“Hi Raven.”

She smirked at him and took the envelope from the window. “You send me this and all I get is a ‘Hi Raven’?” 

“Raven—“

She laughed. “It’s okay, Bellamy. Everything you wrote in this letter is true. I was just a little surprised to get it. Especially since this happened like two years ago and we’ve barely spoken since then.”

Bellamy groaned and dropped his head into his hands.

“Can I have it back?” he asked. 

Raven smirked and passed it through the window. “Yeah, here you go.”

“Thank you.” He took it from her and dropped it in his passenger seat. “See you around, Raven.” He put on his seat belt and turned on his car.

“That’s all I get? A ‘see you around, Raven’?” She smirked again. “You write me this letter about why I was a mistake and then—“

“You weren’t a mistake, Raven. What we did was…a lesson learned.”

“Okay, but still. I don’t get anything? No explanation, nothing?”

Bellamy sighed again. He turned his car off. “I write letters when I feel strongly about something. Yours is the only letter that wasn’t…based off of something romantic.”

“What, our night, wasn’t romantic?” she laughed.

“I’m sorry I wrote it.”

“No, you’re not. You’re sorry it got out.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry it got out.” He sighed. “I don’t even know how it got out.”

Raven grimaced. “That sucks, Bellamy. Sorry that happened, but…in a way, it reminded me of how everything was back then. I had just broken up with my boyfriend and honestly, on my end, sleeping with you was a mistake. I was still in love with him. I am still in love with him.”

“Oh, so you guys got back together?”

“Yeah, not too long after you and I, you know.”

This time, Bellamy smirked. “So…I’m the Xerox girl to your Ross and Rachel?”

“Yeah, I guess you are.” Raven laughed. “You’re not too bad, Bellamy.”

“You too.” Bellamy turned the car back on. “Well, I’ve gotta go. I’m glad that you and the boyfriend are back together. Even though that happened two years ago.”

“Yeah. Together and stronger than ever.”

“Hey, do you and your boyfriend want to have dinner or something? Nate and my sister both say that I need to have a life and—“

“And going out to dinner with your one night stand from two years ago, who you haven’t spoken to since then, constitutes as having a life?”

“Weird, right? I’m not really good in social situations.”

Raven laughed. “Well, I guess this could be the start of a friendship. My boyfriend's gonna be in town this week.”

“Oh? An out-of-town boyfriend?”

“Yeah, he goes to Tondc. After our little…break a couple years ago, we’ve been back together. We grew up next door to each other, and I had a bad home life, but his family always took me in. I think it was inevitable that we fell in love.” She poked him in the shoulder. “How about you? Any great loves of your life?”

Bellamy shook his head. “None.”

“Thus the letter.” Raven laughed. “I’ll let you go now, but how about…Olive Garden on Wednesday night? Maybe around 7pm?”

Bellamy nodded. “7pm sounds good. My sister’s probably gonna come too.”

Raven waves goodbye. “See you then!”

Bellamy pulls up to his apartment, runs up the stairs instead of taking the elevator, pushes his door open and runs into his bedroom, heading straight for his closet. He doesn’t see the hollow book of “The Iliad" anymore and starts pulling everything out of his closet. He runs out and frantically searches around his room, before heading out to the living room and tearing that place apart.

An hour or so later, Octavia enters the apartment, her eyes wide, taking in the huge mess. “Bellamy, what—“

“A book, I’m looking for a book, Octavia. Mom gave it to me a long time ago and it’s my favorite thing in the world—“

“Bellamy, relax, and take a deep breath.” Octavia sets her bag down on the only open space on the kitchen counter. “Now, what are you looking for?”

“A book, Octavia, a big book.”

“Is it in your car?”

“No, I don’t keep it in there. I keep it in my room.”

“Then maybe you should check there.”

“I did, I’ve been looking all afternoon.”

“Okay, we’re gonna find it. But before we do, give me a hug because I feel like I passed my bio test!” 

Bellamy smiled and gave her a one-armed hug. “Good job. Now, let’s find the—wait, Clarke’s in that class, too, right? Did she…say anything to you?”

“Yeah, she knows she passed. You know how much of a brainiac she is.” 

If Octavia wasn’t saying anything or alluding to anything, then Clarke kept her word and didn’t say anything to her. 

“Um, that’s great, but I really, really want to find—“ 

Bellamy was interrupted by a loud knock at the door. “Octavia, can you—“

“I got it, I got it.”

He ran back to his bedroom, but kept the door open.

“Hi Echo,” Octavia was saying. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m looking for Bellamy,” Echo said. “I need to speak with him about something.”

“About what?” Octavia pried. “Why?”

“Octavia, I know you don’t like me, but it’s important that I speak with Bellamy.”

“Echo. I don’t like you and I’m asking you why you want to talk to my brother.”

Bellamy’s eyes widened. He didn’t want to talk to Echo. He ran to his bedroom window and pushed it open, shimmying his way onto the fire escape. He goes down the fire escape and runs away.


End file.
